(From Friday night, 3.23.07)
It's that time of the year when I lose myself in my yard -- planting flowers, tending to them, soaking in the sun's rays and enjoying being a homeowner...yard responsibilities and all!
After a brief stroll through the local nursery, I discovered a new plant that captured my spirit, lifted my soul and brightened my world. It's called a "bleeding heart" and this dwarf-sized tree has white and pink heart-shaped blossoms that dangle from strong branches filled with green wispy willow-like leaves. It's positively magnificent.
I am a bleeding heart. I used to deny it. Indeed, I would fight it through and through. But recently, after some sad events and then finding this tree, I have come to understand that I can only embrace the reality that this is what I am. I am not weaker for it. In fact, it only makes me stronger. I feel and I feel without regret. I am a bleeding heart...and so it goes...
And so tonight, with a single tear in my eye and a true smile in my pocket, I planted my bleeding heart. I will water it, tend to it and watch it grow and grow and grow. Life is beautiful.
~ Kona
And So It Goes
~ ~ ~
In every heart there is a room,
A sanctuary safe and strong,
To heal the wounds from lovers past,
Until a new one comes along.
I spoke to you in cautious tones,
You answered me with no pretense.
And still I feel I said too much,
My silence is my self-defense.
But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake.
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break.
So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break.
And so it goes...and so it goes...
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Saturday, March 24, 2007
I Am My Mother's Daughter
Last Friday happened to be St. Patrick's Eve...not St. Patrick's Day...but EVE. As in, NOT the official Irish holiday renown for beer chugging and butt pinching.
It was going to be a full work/play day for me...one I lovingly refer to as my "library day" where I pour over research, write and otherwise kick it in SUPER casual work attire. And since it was also Day 2 of one of the one of the greatest sporting events EVER (March Madness aka the NCAA b-ball tourney), I was also planning to hang out with friends after work and (hopefully) watch those g.d. UNC tarheels lose in the 1st round like my poor beat-up Dukies. So...I had decided to do my run early in the morning from my parents house (which backs up to the American River bike trail) and then use their facilities to shower up before heading into work. My parents are used to this routine and although my dad whines about me drinking "his" gatorade, I think they rather like having me use their pad as a staging area.
There was nothing too remarkable about my run, other than that it was super humid and when I returned to the house 40 minutes later, I looked as if I had been swimming in the river not running in about 60 degree weather. And typical for a casual Friday, I was running on "Thomas time" which is at least 20 minutes late. ;) So I did the quick 15-minute cleanup (shower, dress, blowdry hair and mascara) and headed downstairs to give mom and pops a thank you kiss. But it took no longer than 2 seconds for mom and me to be doubled over in giggles...we had each dressed separately, without consultation on wardrobe, and here on the EVE of St. Patty's Day, we were wearing the exact same thing! Remarkable, we had each separately been to Target and gotten the $5 black t-shirt with green glitter shamrock...and on this day before st. Patty's Day, we had each (separately) decided to pair it with blue denim capris. We had even almost styled our hair the same way (although I don't usually have much of a choice in that matter)!! It was too hilarious, in a rather uncanny sort of way. Either I dress like an "older" woman or my mom is one cool, hip chick.
And let me say it again, it was not even St. Patty's Day yet....so what reason did either of us have for showing a little Irish spirit?!?!?! We're not even Irish!!! But here we were, passable as sisters, and sharing a sense of humor, fun holiday spirit and good fashion sense to know that black t-shirts always pair well with jean capris. ;)
As I drove off to work (now 30 minutes behind schedule), one thing became remarkably clear: I am my mother's daughter.
Love you Mom!
Your Sunny Bear
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
I'll never forget the eulogy at a friend's funeral...
Why is it so easy to forget the people we don't see everyday and to take for granted the people we do see?
I never want to feel that way again. I try to remind myself of this everyday. Life is far too short. Say what I mean and mean what I feel.
Why is it so easy to forget the people we don't see everyday and to take for granted the people we do see?
I never want to feel that way again. I try to remind myself of this everyday. Life is far too short. Say what I mean and mean what I feel.
This is one of my dear friends...Pheesher...skiing in Vail New Years 2006. Big hugs!!
Namaste.
Alikona
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Work & Play
Yesterday I had one of the best work/play days...and it was also one of the longest days. I worked until 3 AM on Sunday night/Monday so I could make it all work and I am glad that I did. (I'm also a teensy bit proud of myself that in my aging years I could still manage to pull-off an almost all-nighter!!)
After awaking at 5, taking Teddy for a quick walk, and making my daily Peet's stop (where I briefly chatted with Carol and her yellow lab Exchange...what a name for a dog!!), I was off to meet up with my friend Catra for a 16-miler around Mission Peak. I arrived shortly before 8 and though the fog was heavy in historic Fremont, I knew the sun would be shining brightly once we popped up on top of the Peak. I had never run the Peak and must've said "Wow! Gorgeous! Awesome!" at least 20 times. (Thanks girl for putting up with all my "OMGs!") We did a little exploring, crossed paths with bullish cows, spotted osprey, peed in poison oak and talked for hours about anything and everything. A perfect morning!
So that was part of the play. Next up I jumped in the car and drove to Berkeley. First stop...the original Peet's store, of course!! I "showered" in the bathroom while waiting for my tea and changed into my "work" attire. Sipping my tea and basking in the warm sun (I just knew the sun would come out!), I people-watched and did some background reading for work. Then it was off to work....and today work involved kids focus groups. If you've never seen a focus group, it can be quite a trip! Talk about being a "fly on the wall." We were observing 9-14 year old girls and testing some stuff related to nutrition and physical activity. The first group included 9-11 year olds only...they were so cute! I got such a laugh at the stuff they had to say. The second group was 13-14 year olds and they were about as bland as a dry leaf salad with no dressing. You could've told them that Justin Timberlake was right outside the office and they wouldn't have moved. BOOOOOOORING! All I could think was, "Geez, I hope I wasn't this apathetic at their age."
So it was quite a relief when my "little" buddy texted me and asked when I would be done with the groups. Troy and I had been friends since I was about 13 years old...he was 5 at the time. We were on the swim team together and were pretty much inseparable. WE've stayed in touch all these years. When I went away to college, he would write me the cutest letters and draw me pictures. Now, he's the BIG one in college...swimming at Berkeley. He is such a stud and I am soooooo proud of him! And the coolest part is that he doesn't think I'm too old to still hang out. So when he texted me, it was like, "okay, enough work...time to play again!" I picked him up from his dorm and took him out to an awesome hole-in-the-wall Mexican place and then a stroll through the town. I just can't get over how mature he's gotten...my Troy Boy has become my Troy Man!
I dropped him back off at his dorm a few hours later and then "flew" back to Sactown (70 minutes total), where my Teddy was eagerly sitting by the door waiting for my return. We had s'more "Teddy time" and then it was back on the computer for just 1 more hour of work. Then lights out at 1 AM! I was positively exhausted but absolutely thrilled that I had accomplished so much work and play in a 20-hour spread. Now if only I can recover well enough to do it again next week... ;)
Namaste!
Alikona
After awaking at 5, taking Teddy for a quick walk, and making my daily Peet's stop (where I briefly chatted with Carol and her yellow lab Exchange...what a name for a dog!!), I was off to meet up with my friend Catra for a 16-miler around Mission Peak. I arrived shortly before 8 and though the fog was heavy in historic Fremont, I knew the sun would be shining brightly once we popped up on top of the Peak. I had never run the Peak and must've said "Wow! Gorgeous! Awesome!" at least 20 times. (Thanks girl for putting up with all my "OMGs!") We did a little exploring, crossed paths with bullish cows, spotted osprey, peed in poison oak and talked for hours about anything and everything. A perfect morning!
So that was part of the play. Next up I jumped in the car and drove to Berkeley. First stop...the original Peet's store, of course!! I "showered" in the bathroom while waiting for my tea and changed into my "work" attire. Sipping my tea and basking in the warm sun (I just knew the sun would come out!), I people-watched and did some background reading for work. Then it was off to work....and today work involved kids focus groups. If you've never seen a focus group, it can be quite a trip! Talk about being a "fly on the wall." We were observing 9-14 year old girls and testing some stuff related to nutrition and physical activity. The first group included 9-11 year olds only...they were so cute! I got such a laugh at the stuff they had to say. The second group was 13-14 year olds and they were about as bland as a dry leaf salad with no dressing. You could've told them that Justin Timberlake was right outside the office and they wouldn't have moved. BOOOOOOORING! All I could think was, "Geez, I hope I wasn't this apathetic at their age."
So it was quite a relief when my "little" buddy texted me and asked when I would be done with the groups. Troy and I had been friends since I was about 13 years old...he was 5 at the time. We were on the swim team together and were pretty much inseparable. WE've stayed in touch all these years. When I went away to college, he would write me the cutest letters and draw me pictures. Now, he's the BIG one in college...swimming at Berkeley. He is such a stud and I am soooooo proud of him! And the coolest part is that he doesn't think I'm too old to still hang out. So when he texted me, it was like, "okay, enough work...time to play again!" I picked him up from his dorm and took him out to an awesome hole-in-the-wall Mexican place and then a stroll through the town. I just can't get over how mature he's gotten...my Troy Boy has become my Troy Man!
I dropped him back off at his dorm a few hours later and then "flew" back to Sactown (70 minutes total), where my Teddy was eagerly sitting by the door waiting for my return. We had s'more "Teddy time" and then it was back on the computer for just 1 more hour of work. Then lights out at 1 AM! I was positively exhausted but absolutely thrilled that I had accomplished so much work and play in a 20-hour spread. Now if only I can recover well enough to do it again next week... ;)
Namaste!
Alikona
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Fight of My Life
Don't give up. Don't ever give up. – Jimmy "V" Valvano
I am certain these legendary words were spoken long before former North Carolina State Head Coach Jimmy "V" Valvano ever used them; and I am quite certain these words will be spoken by many future leaders for decades and perhaps even centuries to come.
But it is the manner in which Coach V spoke these words that make them so unique and thus truly inspirational. Weakened with terminal cancer, Coach V graciously accepted the first ever Arthur Ashe Courage and Humanitarian Award at the 1993 ESPY awards. During his speech, he announced the creation of the "V Foundation" and its commitment to finding a cure to cancer. The foundation's motto, he proclaimed, would be, "Don't give up. Don't ever give up." Sadly, Coach V lost his battle to cancer less than two months later
Don't give up.
It can be applied to nearly ever aspect of life – from the child learning to ride his bike without training wheels to the President of the United States working with a bipartisan Congress; to the single mom struggling to raise three kids while working and going back to school. Never give up.
This is how I have chosen to live my life. Without exception, it is my personal motto. I am neither impressive nor inspirational. Just stubborn and determined. Relentlessly determined.
The rationale behind 'never give up' is quite simple. I will give it my all. And in the end, if I do not make it, I can be comforted in knowing that I put forth my best effort and did not relent in the pursuit. For that reason, I can never truly fail in life. It's the difference between dying for something; and dying for nothing.
Because I will give it my everything, I cannot fear failure or defeat. Only my own internal demons…those demons which taunt me with thoughts of quitting the fight, with settling for mediocrity, or giving in at my own sacrifice. These are the same demons which taunt each and every one of us. They are there with us when we awaken each morning and close our eyes at night. They challenge us at work and in school, on the court and in the home. Waiting for us at just that precise moment when we feel most vulnerable. Alone. And defeated.
But I am not alone; and I am strong. So I cannot be defeated. Just as long as I never give up.
So I will never give up. Ever.
I am certain these legendary words were spoken long before former North Carolina State Head Coach Jimmy "V" Valvano ever used them; and I am quite certain these words will be spoken by many future leaders for decades and perhaps even centuries to come.
But it is the manner in which Coach V spoke these words that make them so unique and thus truly inspirational. Weakened with terminal cancer, Coach V graciously accepted the first ever Arthur Ashe Courage and Humanitarian Award at the 1993 ESPY awards. During his speech, he announced the creation of the "V Foundation" and its commitment to finding a cure to cancer. The foundation's motto, he proclaimed, would be, "Don't give up. Don't ever give up." Sadly, Coach V lost his battle to cancer less than two months later
Don't give up.
It can be applied to nearly ever aspect of life – from the child learning to ride his bike without training wheels to the President of the United States working with a bipartisan Congress; to the single mom struggling to raise three kids while working and going back to school. Never give up.
This is how I have chosen to live my life. Without exception, it is my personal motto. I am neither impressive nor inspirational. Just stubborn and determined. Relentlessly determined.
The rationale behind 'never give up' is quite simple. I will give it my all. And in the end, if I do not make it, I can be comforted in knowing that I put forth my best effort and did not relent in the pursuit. For that reason, I can never truly fail in life. It's the difference between dying for something; and dying for nothing.
Because I will give it my everything, I cannot fear failure or defeat. Only my own internal demons…those demons which taunt me with thoughts of quitting the fight, with settling for mediocrity, or giving in at my own sacrifice. These are the same demons which taunt each and every one of us. They are there with us when we awaken each morning and close our eyes at night. They challenge us at work and in school, on the court and in the home. Waiting for us at just that precise moment when we feel most vulnerable. Alone. And defeated.
But I am not alone; and I am strong. So I cannot be defeated. Just as long as I never give up.
So I will never give up. Ever.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
How I Ended Up Paying $180 for My $80 Citation
I just returned from that grimey county building they call the Sacramento Courthouse where I begrudgingly went to contest my $117 citation for supposedly having my dog offleash in the American River Parkway. Despite a sympathetic D.A., I still ended up having to plea "no contest" to a reduced fine of $82...but as a result of another stranger's misfortune....I left the courthouse $180 in the hole.
First, a little background...
About a month ago, I took Teddy with me to the Tuesday night running workout which is staged in a pretty vacant business circle behind the CostCo in Sacramento. I rescued Teddy from an abusive home and while he has made significant progress over the year, he still goes a slight ballistic over certain things, e.g., bicycles and trucks. On the suggestion of my personal dog trainer, I brought him to the workout so that we could practice walking/heeling on a leash and learning how to "stay" and "leave it" when trucks drive by (since this is a business circle, there are a lot of big rigs that come and go). All was going good and I was even starting to think to myself, "Wow, Teddy really is beginning to mellow out," when I stupidly kneeled down to adjust his collar. I had scarcely blinked an eye, when he pulled a Houdini trick and was off and running away as fast as I could, intent on playing his favorite game, "catch me if you can!"
At first he headed towards the Business 160 freeway and as I ran after him, tears began welling up in my eyes when I thought that I was about to watch my dog get kareemed by oncoming traffic. But, the sight of dinner (squirrel) veered him back towards the AR parkway and bike trail where we then paraded into a homeless camp. Before I knew it, a woman on a bicycle was screaming on the top of her lungs at Teddy...he was more than 50 yards away from her... "get out of the f*K#Hing way, dog" and screaming bloody murder as if he were attacking her. As I said, he wasn't even near her at this point. But to a dog who was already scared of bikes, this only fired him up and he immediately changed directions and started running after the spinning wheels. She began throwing stuff at him, only further aggravating him and his incessant vicious barking. As I would get closer, he would only sprint faster away from me. It was awful, just awful.
Soon, a park ranger came up in her truck and with the crazy bicycling lady still yelling, we managed to get him back on his leash and calmed down. The bicyclist threatened to call the police, but the ranger calmed her down enough and convinced her to leave. Still shaken up by the drama (all of this transpired over about one hour's time), I was shocked when the ranger started scolding me about running along the parkway with my dog off-leash. Was she joking?? I frantically explained the situation and swore that I had never intentionally (nor would I ever) let my dog - especially this wild one - off-leash in a public area. Never! She seemed to believe me, but said that this crazy lady really was crazy, called to complain weekly, and guaranteed that she would call to report this incident. She proceeded to write me up for having my dog off-leash and said the fine was something like $10, to which I said I would gladly pay.
So...imagine my shock one week later, when I received an official traffic court citation (how was this traffic court related??) and a fine of $117!?!?! I was furious. And still upset by the whole thing. I called about it, and was told that I could contest it and if I explained what happened, they might dismiss it but they would probably just reduce it or allow me to do community service. Are you kidding me?!?! What did I do wrong?
As it was, I went to the courthouse today and listened for about an hour as dozens upon dozens of "citizens" - most of them not so exemplary, if you catch my drift - got up before the judge and plead guilty, not guilty or no contest to various infractions of speeding, running red lights, not having proof of insurance, or getting on the LightRail without paying. Not long before me, a middle-aged man who apparently had some mental handicap for he could not read and could scarcely speak in audible sentences, got up and was charged with littering and digging through trash. He did not appear to understand the charge as he stood smiling and shrugging his shoulders when asking how to plea. The judge asked what it was he had been looking for and he said "McDonald's Hamburgers." He admitted and the judge told him to go to the next room to pay fine of $88.
Soon after, I plead not guilty and then ushered outside to a cute DA who was probably not much older than me. {I saw him do a double-take at my tan, runner's legs as I walked into the room in my flattering skirt.] He practically laughed when he opened my file and heard my story but stated that they are very strict about this citation (why again? I must ask) and he could only offer a reduced fee of $82 ($35 less). We briefly talked about the principal of it all and he agreed with me but said there was nothing more he could do, though he wish he could. Yeah right. He said nothing would go on my record and he wished me well.
So I trucked off to the "Fines" room and waited in line to pay. Actually, I wasn't at all mad or upset. I was "fine" with the fact that I had to pay this amount and I hoped it would get put to good use in the parkway. I just wanted the rangers and everyone to know that I had not intentionally allowed my dog off-leash. I fully accept the responsibilites of having a dog and I always try to do my best to prevent situations that could be potentially harmful to Teddy or any others. This was just an extremely unfortunate situation. Bottom line. And I was willing to pay the fine.
What I was not willing to do was watch as this man - who couldn't afford to buy his own 29 cent hamburgers - have to pay $88 for a fine. And I am strong opponent of littering and do not, in any way, condone his actions, but he clearly did not understand what he was doing was wrong, yet alone understand as to why he was having to pay $88. And yet, here he was, standing at the collections desk and struggling to find the words to ask the clerk how he could pay it. The clerk almost coldly responded that he could pay by credit card monthly but there would be an additional $35 fee for each month, to which the man agreed to pay (still smiling). Why did this scene bother me so much??
As luck would have it, I was called up by the same clerk right after this man and, struggling to fight back tears, I asked the clerk if I could pay for my fine and the "gentleman who was just here." The clerk looked up, dumbfounded by the question. "Do you know him?" he asked me. "No, I just want to help." And I gave him my credit card. The clerk didn't quite know what to say, but he went over to his supervisor and after some whispering and strange looks at me, he came back and said they would do it (and waive the man's $35 monthly fee). The supervisor disappeared into the main lobby (I found out later that she had run off to find the man and tell him that a stranger had offered to pay his fine and he was off the hook.) As I signed my name on the receipt for $181.50 (there was an $11.50 service charge for credit cards), the clerk remarked, "Wow that was a really nice gesture," just as the DA whom had reduced my fee walked by and looked up at me, also totally puzzled by my recent action. (First, I was contesting to have my fine reduced or dismissed and now I was agreeing to pay almost double the original amount for something that I didn't even do?!?!) I was still fighting back tears, so I weakly smiled, thanked them both for their help and told them to have a nice day and good weekend.
As I walked into the main lobby, the gentleman whose fine I had just paid came up to me and seeming confused spoke, "someone just said i don't have to pay my fine?" And feeling a little better, I smiled, "Yup, you're all taken care of sir. Have a good day." I think he wanted to hug me but instead rewarded me with one of the kindest smiles I've ever seen and a warm "thank you, thank you. god bless you." I walked to the car, still feeling a little sick to my stomach but trying to assuage myself with the thought that I had made someone's day a little better.
I really do believe that things come around full circle...and I do believe in paying it forward. There are times in life when we all need a little help. I am soooo blessed and fortunate in sooo many ways. I wish I could do more...A LOT more. But today, I did what I could. And tomorrow maybe, I'll do a little more.
Namaste.
Alikona
First, a little background...
About a month ago, I took Teddy with me to the Tuesday night running workout which is staged in a pretty vacant business circle behind the CostCo in Sacramento. I rescued Teddy from an abusive home and while he has made significant progress over the year, he still goes a slight ballistic over certain things, e.g., bicycles and trucks. On the suggestion of my personal dog trainer, I brought him to the workout so that we could practice walking/heeling on a leash and learning how to "stay" and "leave it" when trucks drive by (since this is a business circle, there are a lot of big rigs that come and go). All was going good and I was even starting to think to myself, "Wow, Teddy really is beginning to mellow out," when I stupidly kneeled down to adjust his collar. I had scarcely blinked an eye, when he pulled a Houdini trick and was off and running away as fast as I could, intent on playing his favorite game, "catch me if you can!"
At first he headed towards the Business 160 freeway and as I ran after him, tears began welling up in my eyes when I thought that I was about to watch my dog get kareemed by oncoming traffic. But, the sight of dinner (squirrel) veered him back towards the AR parkway and bike trail where we then paraded into a homeless camp. Before I knew it, a woman on a bicycle was screaming on the top of her lungs at Teddy...he was more than 50 yards away from her... "get out of the f*K#Hing way, dog" and screaming bloody murder as if he were attacking her. As I said, he wasn't even near her at this point. But to a dog who was already scared of bikes, this only fired him up and he immediately changed directions and started running after the spinning wheels. She began throwing stuff at him, only further aggravating him and his incessant vicious barking. As I would get closer, he would only sprint faster away from me. It was awful, just awful.
Soon, a park ranger came up in her truck and with the crazy bicycling lady still yelling, we managed to get him back on his leash and calmed down. The bicyclist threatened to call the police, but the ranger calmed her down enough and convinced her to leave. Still shaken up by the drama (all of this transpired over about one hour's time), I was shocked when the ranger started scolding me about running along the parkway with my dog off-leash. Was she joking?? I frantically explained the situation and swore that I had never intentionally (nor would I ever) let my dog - especially this wild one - off-leash in a public area. Never! She seemed to believe me, but said that this crazy lady really was crazy, called to complain weekly, and guaranteed that she would call to report this incident. She proceeded to write me up for having my dog off-leash and said the fine was something like $10, to which I said I would gladly pay.
So...imagine my shock one week later, when I received an official traffic court citation (how was this traffic court related??) and a fine of $117!?!?! I was furious. And still upset by the whole thing. I called about it, and was told that I could contest it and if I explained what happened, they might dismiss it but they would probably just reduce it or allow me to do community service. Are you kidding me?!?! What did I do wrong?
As it was, I went to the courthouse today and listened for about an hour as dozens upon dozens of "citizens" - most of them not so exemplary, if you catch my drift - got up before the judge and plead guilty, not guilty or no contest to various infractions of speeding, running red lights, not having proof of insurance, or getting on the LightRail without paying. Not long before me, a middle-aged man who apparently had some mental handicap for he could not read and could scarcely speak in audible sentences, got up and was charged with littering and digging through trash. He did not appear to understand the charge as he stood smiling and shrugging his shoulders when asking how to plea. The judge asked what it was he had been looking for and he said "McDonald's Hamburgers." He admitted and the judge told him to go to the next room to pay fine of $88.
Soon after, I plead not guilty and then ushered outside to a cute DA who was probably not much older than me. {I saw him do a double-take at my tan, runner's legs as I walked into the room in my flattering skirt.] He practically laughed when he opened my file and heard my story but stated that they are very strict about this citation (why again? I must ask) and he could only offer a reduced fee of $82 ($35 less). We briefly talked about the principal of it all and he agreed with me but said there was nothing more he could do, though he wish he could. Yeah right. He said nothing would go on my record and he wished me well.
So I trucked off to the "Fines" room and waited in line to pay. Actually, I wasn't at all mad or upset. I was "fine" with the fact that I had to pay this amount and I hoped it would get put to good use in the parkway. I just wanted the rangers and everyone to know that I had not intentionally allowed my dog off-leash. I fully accept the responsibilites of having a dog and I always try to do my best to prevent situations that could be potentially harmful to Teddy or any others. This was just an extremely unfortunate situation. Bottom line. And I was willing to pay the fine.
What I was not willing to do was watch as this man - who couldn't afford to buy his own 29 cent hamburgers - have to pay $88 for a fine. And I am strong opponent of littering and do not, in any way, condone his actions, but he clearly did not understand what he was doing was wrong, yet alone understand as to why he was having to pay $88. And yet, here he was, standing at the collections desk and struggling to find the words to ask the clerk how he could pay it. The clerk almost coldly responded that he could pay by credit card monthly but there would be an additional $35 fee for each month, to which the man agreed to pay (still smiling). Why did this scene bother me so much??
As luck would have it, I was called up by the same clerk right after this man and, struggling to fight back tears, I asked the clerk if I could pay for my fine and the "gentleman who was just here." The clerk looked up, dumbfounded by the question. "Do you know him?" he asked me. "No, I just want to help." And I gave him my credit card. The clerk didn't quite know what to say, but he went over to his supervisor and after some whispering and strange looks at me, he came back and said they would do it (and waive the man's $35 monthly fee). The supervisor disappeared into the main lobby (I found out later that she had run off to find the man and tell him that a stranger had offered to pay his fine and he was off the hook.) As I signed my name on the receipt for $181.50 (there was an $11.50 service charge for credit cards), the clerk remarked, "Wow that was a really nice gesture," just as the DA whom had reduced my fee walked by and looked up at me, also totally puzzled by my recent action. (First, I was contesting to have my fine reduced or dismissed and now I was agreeing to pay almost double the original amount for something that I didn't even do?!?!) I was still fighting back tears, so I weakly smiled, thanked them both for their help and told them to have a nice day and good weekend.
As I walked into the main lobby, the gentleman whose fine I had just paid came up to me and seeming confused spoke, "someone just said i don't have to pay my fine?" And feeling a little better, I smiled, "Yup, you're all taken care of sir. Have a good day." I think he wanted to hug me but instead rewarded me with one of the kindest smiles I've ever seen and a warm "thank you, thank you. god bless you." I walked to the car, still feeling a little sick to my stomach but trying to assuage myself with the thought that I had made someone's day a little better.
I really do believe that things come around full circle...and I do believe in paying it forward. There are times in life when we all need a little help. I am soooo blessed and fortunate in sooo many ways. I wish I could do more...A LOT more. But today, I did what I could. And tomorrow maybe, I'll do a little more.
Namaste.
Alikona
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